I always thought that when I moved out weight loss would be easier. I could control what came into the house in terms of candy/chips/sweets. I wouldn’t have someone watching my every move, so I’d be able to exercise when I wanted. No one would question me on what I bought to eat, or what I was doing, or why.
And it’s all those things, but it’s also about me and my weaknesses: now when I bring that bag of chips in my house I’m the one who eats the whole damn thing. I’m going backwards, you guys. My weight is creeping up instead of down and I know it’s because I’ve been really out of control during the past few months.
I woke up this morning, stepped on the scale and saw the ugly truth. 209lbs (94.8kgs). And I thought, wtf am I doing? This isn’t what I want. It’s not. Every time I look in the mirror I’m so fucking unhappy with how I look. I feel fat. That’s not a good feeling.
So I’m really going to give it my best shot this time. I downloaded the Lose It! app onto my phone and I’m gonna use it until I get myself back on track. I like that it doesn’t care what you eat, just that you’re keeping track. I also like that it gives you more calories as you exercise (though I’m going to try not to eat those calories back, which is what I was doing before).
Partly my motivation is my brother’s wedding, which happens in October 2014. I really want to be at my goal weight for that. It’s still 140lbs, and I might be a bridesmaid and if I am I do not want to spend the whole day thinking about how fat I look in comparison to my FSIL and sister, who are thin as sticks.
I’m going to do this.
I’m going to finish this.